I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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