I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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