If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
