just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
