Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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