my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
