if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
