I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
