I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize