Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
