How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
