Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
