Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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