i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
