were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Randomize
