We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
