So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
