she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize