Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
