carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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