You don't have asthma, your pregnant
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
