he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
