the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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