So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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