This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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