The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
