Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
