The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
