nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
