Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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