There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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