yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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