i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
