I just cut my nipple shaving
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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