You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
