My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
