I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
