So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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