No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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