you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
