I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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