He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
