At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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