come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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