So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
