Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
