i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
