All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
