I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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