I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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