I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
