Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
