Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
