Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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