just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
