your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
