shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
