I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
