im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
