You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
