i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
