I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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